Here is a current thought: How does one sync the images inside the body/imagination (what I would call impulses) with the images presented outside the body? Perhaps it is this tension that is most interesting, because if I am totally engaged with attempting this idea, I have to be completely present, it demands presence. What I am just beginning to experience in performing this idea is the shifting of psychological and physical states, a place where character completely merges with self.
It’s been almost 20 days that we’ve started this process. It’s for sure the most difficult performance I directed. I’m not sure if this is the result of knowing this show will be my MFA show and I have to defend it or the whole ideas that I’m developing in this show is heavy. I’m still resisting directing the piece, and I’m testing ideas about acting. what is acting, what is the positive and negative image in that. How does a performer individuate a character within a milieu that surrounds the potentials of a character? How much creating this character is random, or in other words how much this creation is affected by the ideal images that surrounds us.
When I’m looking at our rehearsals so far, I’m getting excited. It’s a laboratory that is constantly breathing. I wonder now, how I can save this aura that surounds our rehearsal room or the function that this system does have!
The problem is that as soon as we’re going on text, everything is missing. The language is very strong that it forces the characters to the performers. They embody the character that the language requires and they will loose their presence. It’s pretty strange, it seems the text is coming and eating whatever we created before, in less than a minute! Performers required to behave in a certain way, to talk in a certain way, to move in a certain way. It seems the wriiter dictates to them what to do, and I’m losing them. The writer steals my performers from me. and in my view from themselves as well. It seems the writer is sending some ghost or sth to their body, mind, soul that they will obey whatever that is. Nothing else make sense to them. This is when right and wrong come to the table. They will start discussions such as ‘this doesn’t feel right for this character’…. This is for now…